and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
