oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
