You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
