So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
