A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
