sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
