the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
