Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
