i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize