I just made out with a guy for $7.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize