I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
