I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there's paper in my vomit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
