i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
