I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
