Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
