Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
