I cockslap morals
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
