Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
