I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
