I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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