Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
