I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
