We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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