I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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