what day is it and did you see me today?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
