So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
