ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
