I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
