Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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