you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
