i think i have herpe
just one?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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