I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
