I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize