Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize