I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think i got beer on your cat.
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