I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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