he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
