The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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