That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
