I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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