what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
