Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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