dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
