i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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