i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
