Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
