I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize