Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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