ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i think i just lost a toe
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
