I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
