it hurts more in the daytime
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
