Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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