you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
