my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
