I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
