I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
