I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
