I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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