I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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