I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
