I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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