I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
