P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Green mimosas i think yes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
