oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
