If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
