I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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